trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
