So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
