what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
