Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
did you just send me my own nude
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
