dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
