So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
