wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
