How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize