you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
