I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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