Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
3 2 1 whiskey
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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