You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
