I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
