Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Let's get the cat blown out
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
