no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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