is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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