i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
