HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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