new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
