I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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