i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize