she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
