Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
