You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
