Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
