He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
