Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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