and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
