i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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