i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
