She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
