and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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