waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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