hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
