this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
