i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
