I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
