After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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