your room smells of hookers.
And success
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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