I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
