its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
