the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
