Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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