Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
