Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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