If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
