Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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