I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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