Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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