Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
