These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
