eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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