Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
