the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
