y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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