I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
