how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I AM VODKA MAN
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
