This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
