I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
