Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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