I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm going to jail i love you
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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