Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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