i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
where am i from again
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
