Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
